7-10 APRIL & 14-15 APRIL 2025

LEGO – MINECRAFT – DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

Join us for another amazing School Holiday Program this April. We will be running both the Lego/Minecraft Program and a new Dungeons and Dragons program for both beginners and more experienced players. If your child hasn’t played D&D before, they can join our experienced D&D expert, Mackenzie, who will walk them through all the beginner aspects of the game before they jump into a campaign with other players.

Our school holiday programs are very popular and places do fill up quickly.  If you would like to pre-enrol, email us here with your preferred session and dates.

 

Written by ACS Social Worker, Ashley Ellis-Smith

There’s been some online discussion lately questioning whether a strengths-based approach is truly neuroaffirming. Some suggest it focuses too much on “the positives,” potentially glossing over the very real challenges faced by neurodivergent people. As a social worker, I want to respectfully unpack this—because from a social work lens, a genuine strengths-based approach is not only compatible with neuroaffirming practice, it’s foundational to it.

What Is a Strengths-Based Approach—Really?

Let’s start by clarifying what a strengths-based approach actually means. Too often, it’s misrepresented as simply focusing on the “bright side” or ignoring struggles. That’s not it at all.

In social work, a strengths-based approach is grounded in:

• Human dignity and worth – every person has value, regardless of their ability or neurotype.
• Person-in-environment theory – struggles are not isolated to the individual; they’re shaped by context, systems, and relationships.
• Collaboration – support is something we do with people, not to them.
• Empowerment – recognising people as the experts in their own lives, even (and especially) children.

This perspective doesn’t deny difficulty—it acknowledges it, but without centring deficit. It sees challenge through the lens of context and capability: What do you care about? What matters to you? What’s working? What support would make life better?

Why It’s Neuroaffirming

A neuroaffirming approach recognises neurodivergence as natural human variation—not a disorder to be fixed, but a difference to be understood and supported. It rejects pathologising and compliance-focused models, and aims to reduce harm by creating safer, more accommodating environments.

A well-practised strengths-based approach does all of this and more. Here’s why:

• It honours lived experience. We begin with the person, not the label. Their values, passions, and perceptions shape the support they receive.
• It centres autonomy. PDAers, ADHDers, and autistic people often experience demand sensitivity and trauma from coercive systems. A strengths-based lens fosters collaboration and choice.
• It understands regulation before reasoning. Borrowing from trauma-informed and polyvagal theory, this approach acknowledges that co-regulation and nervous system safety must come before behavioural expectations.
• It affirms difference. Interests and ways of processing are celebrated as unique strengths, not “fixations” or “deficits.”
• Common Misconception: “But What About Struggle?”

A critique sometimes levelled at strengths-based work is that it sugar-coats reality. “But what about meltdowns? What about support needs?” The assumption here is that focusing on strengths means ignoring challenge. This is a misunderstanding of the approach.

The truth is: strengths-based doesn’t ignore struggle—it just doesn’t pathologise it. It holds the whole person in view. A strengths-based practitioner might say, “This young person is struggling with transitions because their nervous system feels unsafe. Let’s support that need,” rather than “They’re resistant and need to try harder.”

In fact, it’s often through strengths that we find solutions:

• A child with a strong visual memory? Use visual schedules to support change.
• A teen with a deep passion for gaming? Use that to build motivation and connection.
• A young adult with PDA who resists top-down demands? Centre autonomy and shared decision-making.

What Social Work Theory Tells Us

The strengths-based model has deep roots in social work, particularly through the work of Dennis Saleebey and others who championed the Strengths Perspective. This model invites practitioners to:

• Recognise resilience and survival strategies
• Ask what’s working, not just what’s “wrong”
• Work collaboratively to co-create meaning and goals

Importantly, it sees individuals as situated within systems. When a child is struggling in school, we ask not “What’s wrong with this child?” but “What’s happening in the environment that might be contributing to this struggle?”

That’s core to neuroaffirming practice, too.

A Real-World Example

Let’s say a Year 5 student is constantly getting in trouble for “refusing to follow instructions.” They mask all day, bottle things up, and eventually explode in what’s labelled a “meltdown.” A traditional behavioural lens might call this noncompliance or oppositionality.

A neuroaffirming strengths-based lens sees something else:

• The child is trying their best in an environment that doesn’t meet their needs.
• Their sense of fairness and autonomy is strong (a strength).
• Their meltdown is a bottom-up stress response, not a chosen behaviour.
• Their interest in Minecraft could be used to build rapport and engagement.
• Their capacity for justice-orientation could be nurtured into advocacy skills.
• When we lean into strengths and address needs, we make space for flourishing—not just functioning.

To Sum Up

A strengths-based approach, when rooted in social work values and trauma-informed practice, is inherently neuroaffirming. It honours the whole person. It doesn’t deny challenges—it reframes them. It doesn’t ignore struggle—it gives it context and compassion. It doesn’t seek to make neurodivergent kids more compliant—it seeks to help them thrive, feel safe, and be understood.

And that’s exactly what neuroaffirming practice is all about.

________________________________________________________

Ashley Ellis-Smith is a neurodivergent (ADHD) mother, social worker and creative practitioner. With lived experience as an ADHDer and parent, and a deep commitment to strengths-based, trauma-informed practice, Ashley works alongside children, teens, and families. She is a passionate advocate for changing systems to make them safer and more inclusive for people of all neurotypes. Ashley is also an author and visual artist (gotta love that ADHD brain!), and creates children’s books, therapeutic resources, and educational articles to support individuals to live with authenticity.

 

Every child perceives and understands the world in their own way. For many autistic children, that way is through bottom-up thinking. Instead of starting with a big-picture concept and then noticing details (a common top-down pattern in neurotypical/allistic development), autistic kids often build understanding from the details upward. This means they might notice every speck of dust dancing in a sunbeam, catch the faintest hum of a fluorescent light, or recall detailed facts about a favorite topic – all before grasping the overall gist of a situation. 

This different processing style is not a deficit; it’s a valid form of cognition with its own strengths and challenges. 

In this article, we’ll explore what bottom-up thinking is, how it appears in autistic children’s sensory and cognitive experiences, and – most importantly – how parents, teachers, and therapists can support these bottom-up thinkers with neuroaffirming strategies. We’ll use real case examples and insights from experts like Dr. Mona Delahooke, Dr. Stephen Porges, and Dr. Ross Greene to illustrate ways to create a safe, supportive world for children who process the world from the ground up.

Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up: Two Ways of Understanding the World

Human brains use two broad approaches to process information: top-down and bottom-up. In top-down processing, we interpret what we see or hear based on prior knowledge, context, and expectations – essentially using the “big picture” to make sense of details. This approach strengthens as neurotypical children grow; they learn to apply past experiences (“I’ve seen something like this before”) to new situations, which helps them predict and generalise. Bottom-up processing, on the other hand, is more detail-driven. It involves taking in raw sensory or factual data first and building it into an understanding without a strong preset filter.

Neurotypical development features an increasing balance toward top-down thinking – for example, a typical adult quickly recognises a dog as a dog because their brain immediately fits the image into the “dog” category from past experience. An autistic child, however, might first notice the specific patterns of the dog’s fur, the sound of its bark, and the shape of its ears, and only later piece together that it’s a dog. As Dr. Temple Grandin (a prominent autistic advocate) describes, “I’m a bottom-up thinker—I take the details and put them together.” Autistic people are often “details-before-the-concept” thinkers, whereas non-autistic people tend to be “concept-before-the-details”. In other words, the autistic mind approaches its environment through bottom-up processing, while the non-autistic mind leans more on top-down thinking drawn from prior memories and context.

This difference means that autistic individuals are less constrained by preconceptions and sometimes catch details or patterns others overlook. A top-down thinker might see a set of behaviours and immediately fit them into a preconceived category (for instance, assuming a child is “being naughty” because that’s a familiar category). In contrast, a bottom-up thinker (or observer) will gather numerous specific clues first. In fact, research suggests that individuals with higher autistic traits show a brain connectivity pattern where bottom-up signals “overcome” or outweigh top-down inputs. 

While neurotypical brains constantly use predictions to interpret sensory input, autistic brains may rely more on the actual data coming in. This can lead to incredibly keen observation and novel insights – one reason autistic minds are often behind “outside-the-box” ideas and creative problem-solving – but it can also make the world feel overwhelming or chaotic if the “data” never seems to settle into a predictable pattern.

To illustrate, one autism specialist uses a puzzle metaphor: In a neurotypical top-down approach, you might have the puzzle’s picture on the box as a guide (a global idea of what you’re putting together). But a bottom-up thinker is working with blank puzzle pieces – they focus on each piece’s shape and color, assembling the picture only after painstakingly examining and fitting each piece. The big picture emerges last. This means autistic kids may excel at noticing fine details or remembering specific facts, yet they might take longer to understand the overall context or might interpret situations very differently than expected.

How Bottom-Up Processing Appears in Autistic Children

What does bottom-up thinking look like in day-to-day life for an autistic child? It often shows up in both sensory processing and cognitive style:

Sensory Experiences

Autistic children frequently have differences in sensory processing – many are hyper-sensitive (or sometimes hypo-sensitive) to sounds, sights, textures, and other inputs. Bottom-up processing amplifies the impact of these sensations. Rather than automatically tuning out background noise or unimportant details (as a top-down brain might do), the autistic nervous system takes it all in. 

For example, in a classroom, a neurotypical child might hardly notice the ticking clock once focused on the teacher, but an autistic child might still be processing the clock’s ticking, the flicker of the fluorescent lights, the tag in their shirt scratching their neck, and a distant lawnmower all at the same time. Their brain isn’t filtering out the “extras” as much, so they receive a flood of detail-rich input. It’s no wonder that many autistic kids become overwhelmed in noisy, busy environments – their bottom-up minds are working overtime to process a torrent of details. In fact, neurophysiological research has found “enhanced bottom-up processing of sensory stimuli in people with autism,” correlated with increased sensory sensitivity. 

In practical terms, an autistic child might detect sounds or visual details that others miss, or feel discomfort from stimuli that wouldn’t bother a neurotypical peer. A sudden loud PA announcement at school, a strong smell in the canteen, or an unanticipated touch on the shoulder can trigger a big reaction because it’s a jarring piece of input hitting an already overloaded sensory system.

Cognitive Style and Attention

Autistic thinkers often have a detail-focused cognitive style. Psychologists once described this in terms of “weak central coherence,” meaning an autistic person may excel at noticing constituent parts but struggle to see the forest for the trees. While the term “weak” is falling out of favor (since it frames a difference as a deficit), the observations remain: Autistic children can typically perceive details better than non-autistic people, but might not automatically synthesise those details into a broader concept. 

For example, a 5-year-old neurotypical child drawing a house might draw a simple square with a triangle roof (capturing the general idea of a house). An autistic 5-year-old might draw every brick or include intricate elements seen on their own home’s facade, yet still miss that their drawing doesn’t resemble a typical house shape. Their mind goes bottom-up: “brick, window, door, shingle” and so on. 

This detail focus can be a strength – it’s why some autistic people are outstanding at tasks requiring precision, pattern recognition, or extensive factual knowledge. But it also can mean that generalising from one situation to another is hard. A slight change in how a maths problem is worded might stump an autistic student even though the underlying concept is the same as yesterday’s homework, because to them the details make it a new problem (whereas a top-down thinker sees the familiar pattern). 

Similarly, communication can be very literal for bottom-up thinkers. Figures of speech or sarcasm rely on top-down interpretation (understanding the intention beyond the literal words), which might not be intuitive for an autistic child. They hear exactly what is said – the precise words – first and foremost. For instance, telling an autistic student “hold your horses!” when they’re rushing might lead to a perplexed look or them replying, “But I don’t have any horses,” because they’re parsing the phrase literally, from the bottom up.

Emotional and Social Signals 

Social interactions are full of unwritten rules and implied meanings – essentially a lot of top-down processing demands. Autistic kids, processing from the bottom up, may notice a peer’s individual words but not the subtle shift in tone that signifies teasing, or they may be so struck by one aspect of a facial expression that they miss the overall emotional message.

They might also have what Dr. Stephen Porges calls a heightened “neuroception” of danger. This means their nervous system is constantly scanning and sometimes over-detecting threats in the environment. A situation that seems benign to adults – say a busy, brightly lit school assembly – might register as overwhelmingly unpredictable and scary to an autistic child’s nervous system. The child doesn’t choose to be scared or upset by it; their bottom-up sensory and emotional processing automatically kicks them into “fight or flight” mode if things feel chaotic or novel. 

One researcher noted that from an autistic child’s perspective, the world can appear “magical” (random and not following expected patterns) rather than orderly, precisely because of a reduced ability to unconsciously predict what will happen next. This can understandably cause anxiety. The strong need for routine and sameness often seen in autistic children can be viewed as a logical coping strategy: if you can’t easily form top-down predictions, keeping the environment and schedule extremely consistent helps life feel more manageable.

Real-World Case Example: Sensory Overload at the Supermarket

Six-year-old Aiden clings to his mother’s hand as they enter the supermarket. Within minutes, Aiden starts whining and covering his ears. The glaring lights above him buzz ever so softly – a hum most shoppers don’t even notice, but it sounds like an alarm to Aiden. The PA system chimes and a voice booms, “Cleanup in aisle 3,” which sends Aiden crouching down, tears in his eyes. He’s also caught a whiff of the fish counter as they passed by, and the wheels on the shopping trolley are squeaking. There are just too many sensory details at once. He throws himself to the floor in a meltdown, sobbing and screaming.

Aiden’s mother used to feel embarrassed, thinking he was “throwing a tantrum” for attention. But after learning about bottom-up processing, she understands this is a bottom-up stress response – Aiden’s nervous system is overwhelmed, not naughty. She gently places her hand on his back, speaking softly to help him feel safe until he can calm down. Now she brings noise-canceling headphones for Aiden when they shop, and goes at quieter hours. She also uses a visual picture schedule to show him their grocery list, so he knows exactly what to expect in each aisle (bringing a bit more predictability to this chaotic place). With these supports, Aiden gets through short shopping trips with far less distress.

This example highlights how an autistic child’s behaviour can be driven by bottom-up reactions. Dr. Mona Delahooke, a pediatric psychologist, emphasises that many meltdowns or “challenging behaviours” in autism are instinctual stress responses from the lower brain and body – not willful misbehaviour. These bottom-up behaviours won’t respond to traditional discipline or scolding; the child isn’t choosing to act out, and consequences or rewards don’t address the root cause. Instead, the child needs compassion and adjustments to feel safe and regulated. 

Understanding this difference – is a behaviour coming from a deliberate (top-down) place or an automatic (bottom-up) place? – is key. “Bottom-up behaviours are brain-based stress responses that require understanding, compassion and actively helping an individual feel safe,” Dr. Delahooke explains. In Aiden’s case, once his mum recognised the supermarket meltdown as a bottom-up response, she shifted her approach from frustration to empathy and proactive support.

Real-World Case Example: Rigid Routine and the Morning Struggle

Eight-year-old Bella insists on wearing the same purple top every day. She lines up her cereal boxes just so on the breakfast table. One morning, the top is in the wash and her mother offers a different one – and Bella erupts into panic, crying and yelling that she can’t go to school. Later, at school drop-off, Bella has another meltdown when she finds out the class schedule changed and music class is today instead of art. She refuses to leave the car.

Bella’s parents and teacher collaborate to support her need for routine. They create a visual daily schedule that Bella reviews each morning, with any changes clearly indicated with picture cards. If something will be different (like music class swapping days), they let her know as early as possible and mark it on her schedule. Bella’s mum now keeps two identical purple tops on hand to avoid laundry crises. 

Over time, with a more predictable environment and gentle preparation for transitions, Bella’s morning meltdowns decrease. She still likes consistency (that’s how her brain finds calm), but she’s gaining trust that changes won’t be random surprises.

What’s happening here? – Bella’s bottom-up mind relies on predictability to feel safe. Any unexpected change – a different clothing texture, a schedule swap – sends her nervous system into alarm. 

Bella’s story underscores a common bottom-up processing experience: difficulty with transitions and change. Autistic children thrive on routine and predictability because it reduces the torrent of new details their brain must process. When they know what to expect, their system can stay regulated. On the flip side, a sudden change means their bottom-up processing has to deal with a flood of new information (and possibly a sense of dread since they can’t anticipate what the new situation will hold). 

Research consistently notes that transitions are often especially hard for kids on the spectrum – even moving from one activity to the next can feel overwhelming if it disrupts their established flow. As the Child Mind Institute explains, “Children with autism have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another because they prefer routine and predictability. Anything that takes them out of their routine can feel overwhelming.” 

For Bella, wearing the same top and expecting art on Tuesday aren’t just preferences; they are anchors of predictability that keep her feeling safe. Remove them without warning, and her whole world tilts. The solution was not to punish Bella for her outburst and refusal, but to adapt the environment and provide supportive tools (like visual schedules and advance warnings) so her bottom-up system isn’t thrown into chaos.

A Quick Note About How Bottom-Up Processing in People With ADHD: Doing First, Thinking Later

While bottom-up processing is often associated with autism, many ADHD individuals also experience a version of bottom-up functioning—but in a different way. Rather than processing sensory input or data from the ground up, ADHD brains often operate through bottom-up *action* or *doing*. This means responding to immediate stimuli or ideas without first mapping out the bigger picture—leading to action-first, think-later dynamics.

This form of bottom-up doing can look like:

– Jumping into a new hobby or project without prior planning, driven by novelty or excitement.

– Responding to external cues (e.g., an ad, a conversation, a song) and taking immediate action before reflecting on long-term consequences.

– Experiencing difficulty pausing or inhibiting actions, especially when dopamine is involved.

This pattern is driven by key ADHD traits:

Dopamine-seeking behaviour – gravitating to what’s stimulating or novel.
Time blindness – difficulty envisioning future outcomes, making the present detail feel more real than future consequences.

Impulsivity – a decreased ability to inhibit responses or “wait to think.”

Where autistic children may analyse details before understanding the whole, ADHD children may act on details before considering the whole. Both approaches require different support strategies. Autistic children may need help integrating information into a broader context, while ADHD children may need support in pausing, planning, and anticipating outcomes.

Case Study

Liam (ADHD, 10 years old) hears his teacher mention a science fair. Within minutes, he’s already signed up, brainstormed a volcano project, and ordered materials online—without realising it overlaps with soccer finals weekend. His parents notice that he’s acting on impulse, driven by the excitement of the idea. While his enthusiasm is fantastic, Liam needs scaffolding to pause, assess feasibility, and co-plan steps to succeed without overwhelm.

Support Strategies for ADHD Bottom-Up Doers

— Use visual timers or reminders to help ADHD children pause before acting.

— Break tasks into small chunks, but allow flexibility for creativity and spontaneous action.

— Teach “stop, think, act” scripts in playful, non-punitive ways.

— Provide dopamine-positive outlets that allow spontaneous action within a safe framework.

Practical Strategies to Support Autistic Bottom-Up Thinkers

Supporting an autistic child who processes from the bottom up starts with respecting their experience. Instead of trying to force neurotypical top-down expectations (“She should know better,” “He’s just being dramatic,”), we adjust our approach to meet them where they are. Here are some practical, neuroaffirming strategies – useful at home, in the classroom, or in therapy – that honor bottom-up processing and help these children thrive:

Emphasise Co-Regulation Over Punishment

When a child is in the throes of a meltdown or anxiety, our first job is to help regulate their overwhelmed nervous system, not to discipline. Co-regulation means an adult or caregiver provides calming support through their presence, tone, and actions. Think of it as lending your own well-regulated nervous system to the child until they can find their balance. This might involve speaking in a soothing, gentle voice, offering a hug or simply staying nearby with a calm demeanor, and validating what the child is feeling. Neuroscience tells us that a sense of safety and connection is the prerequisite for a child to be able to use any coping skills or to even hear what we are saying. 

Dr. Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory emphasises creating a “neuroception of safety” – an unconscious feeling of safety – for autistic individuals, who may be especially prone to sensing stress in those around them. In practice, co-regulation might look like a teacher crouching down next to a child who is crying under his desk, keeping her voice soft and steady: “I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll figure this out together.” Only after the child’s breathing slows and their tears subside (indicating the bottom-up flood is receding) might the teacher gently review what happened or guide the child in problem-solving. 

Never punish a child for a bottom-up behaviour like a meltdown or shutdown – as Dr. Delahooke notes, punishing a stress response can “easily make matters worse” by adding fear on top of an already dysregulated state. Instead, focus on calming the storm first. Over time, this approach actually builds the child’s own capacity for self-regulation, because they learn that when big feelings or sensory overload hits, they can move through it to safety (rather than being punished, which just confirms to their brain that the world is dangerous when they’re in distress).

Create Predictable, Structured Environments

Consistency is calming for bottom-up thinkers. The more an environment is predictable and tailored to the child’s sensory needs, the less often their system will go into overdrive. In practice, this can mean maintaining consistent daily routines (meal times, school schedules, bedtime rituals) and giving lots of forewarning and explanation for any changes. Visual schedules are a fantastic tool here (more on that shortly). 

As one research team put it, “the need for sameness is one of the most uniform characteristics of autism,” likely because a predictable environment helps compensate for difficulties in making spontaneous predictions. Autistic children often develop strong routines or rituals (for example, always greeting people in the same way, or wanting to play with toys in a particular pattern). Rather than viewing these as “obsessive” behaviours to eliminate, we can recognise that these routines provide a sense of stability that the child truly needs. Honoring their need for sameness – within reason – is a way to show we respect their neurotype. 

In a classroom, this might involve having a clear, posted schedule for the day, using consistent signals for transitions (like a gentle bell or a particular clean-up song), and if something unexpected must happen, taking time to explain it to the student individually: “Our assembly was rescheduled to this morning. I know that’s different from our usual plan. After circle time, we will go to the auditorium. I will walk with you and we have your noise-cancelling headphones if it’s loud.” 

In therapy settings or doctor’s visits, practitioners can help by letting the child know what will happen next (e.g., “First we’ll do some jumping exercises, then we’ll play with the putty.”) and by keeping their approach predictable (starting sessions the same way each time, etc.). A predictable environment significantly reduces anxiety, because the child’s bottom-up system doesn’t have to be on high alert for surprises at every moment.

Use Visual Supports and Concrete Cues

Autistic children are often strong visual learners. Visual supports like picture schedules, illustrated step-by-step instructions, cue cards, or sign language can make communication more concrete and less fleeting than spoken words. For a bottom-up processor, spoken language can be here and gone in an instant – it’s transient and requires quick top-down interpretation. Visual supports, on the other hand, stay put, allowing the child to process the information at their own pace and refer back to it as needed. 

A visual schedule is essentially a series of pictures or icons that represent each activity or segment of the day. Using one can dramatically improve an autistic child’s understanding of “what comes next,” thereby easing transitions and reducing anxiety. For example, in a home setting, a morning routine chart with pictures (toothbrushing, getting dressed, eating breakfast, packing backpack, etc.) can help a child move through each step with less prompting because they can see what to do and what’s next. In a classroom, a visual schedule might be a large poster with images for each subject in order, and an indicator moving along as the day progresses. 

Other visual tools include first-then boards (showing “First [task], then [preferred activity]” to motivate and clarify expectations), feeling charts (to help the child identify and point to their emotions, since discussing feelings abstractly can be hard), and visual timers (like a timer app that shows a shrinking pie or a red bar that gets smaller – giving a visual sense of time remaining). These supports play to the strengths of bottom-up thinkers by making information concrete, clear, and retrievable. 

They also reduce the reliance on the child’s language processing in the heat of the moment. For instance, instead of repeatedly telling a child who’s getting antsy “Not yet, we’ll go to the playground after the maths session,” a teacher can silently point to the schedule or a “first math, then playground” card. The child can see the sequence, which often clicks better. Research and clinical guidance widely endorse visual supports because they “provide structure and routine, improve understanding, and help avoid frustration and anxiety,” among other benefits for autistic individuals. And importantly, using visual supports is a neuroaffirming practice – it doesn’t force the child to process the way we do; it communicates in the way they process best.

Allow Extra Processing Time and Slow Transitions 

A bottom-up thinker might take longer to respond to questions or shift between activities, simply because they are still sorting through all the incoming details. It’s crucial to give them adequate processing time. For example, if you ask an autistic student, “Can you tell me one thing you learned from the story?”, they may not answer as quickly as another child – perhaps they’re still recalling specific details of the story in their mind. Rather than immediately prompting again or rephrasing (which can flood them with even more to process), give a generous pause. They often will answer given a bit more time. 

Similarly, plan for slow, supported transitions between activities. Transitions are those moments when bottom-up overload frequently strikes, as we saw with Bella. To ease transitions, use warnings like “Five minutes until we switch to the next activity” and then “Two minutes…” along with possibly a visual countdown or a simple ritual to end one activity and start another. Some teachers use an object or sign to signify the next activity (like holding up a book to show storytime is next, giving the child’s brain a head start to shift gears). 

Others find success with transition objects – for instance, letting a child carry a favorite small toy from home during the walk from class to the bus, to keep something familiar with them as they move into a new environment. The key is not to rush a bottom-up processor suddenly from A to B. If abrupt transitions are forced, the child might react with what looks like defiance or meltdown, but it’s actually that their system is overwhelmed by the sudden demand to recalibrate. 

Keeping transitions calm and predictable (e.g., using the same song to signal clean up every day, or giving the child a job like “please help me shut the lights off” to positively engage them in the transition) can turn a chaotic moment into a manageable one. Remember, as much as possible, no surprises – or if a surprise is inevitable, try to package it in a gentle way. For example, if an unexpected event occurs (“Fire drill in 1 minute!”), grabbing the child’s noise-cancelling headphones, briefly explaining what will happen (“there will be a loud bell, we’ll line up and go outside safely, it’s just a practice”), and perhaps covering their ears or having them cover their ears before the alarm rings can help contain the shock. 

Supporting transitions in these ways respects the child’s need for a little extra time and support for their bottom-up brain to catch up.

Accommodate Sensory Needs 

A neuroaffirming approach treats the child’s sensory sensitivities as genuine needs, not misbehaviour or quirks to ignore. If a child is distressed by cafeteria noise, consider letting them eat in a quieter spot or wear headphones. If fluorescent lights bother them, see if they can use natural light or wear a cap in class. Many autistic kids benefit from sensory tools that help them stay regulated: noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, chewable jewellery, fidget toys, weighted lap pads, or access to a “sensory corner” where they can calm themselves with dim lighting and soft cushions. 

Occupational therapists often work with families and schools to identify a child’s unique sensory profile and suggest accommodations. For instance, a child who craves movement might need frequent dance or jumping breaks between seated tasks; one who is easily overwhelmed by touch might do better if people approach them from the front and avoid unexpected pats on the back. By meeting these sensory needs proactively, we prevent a lot of bottom-up distress. 

It’s important to frame these accommodations as perfectly acceptable supports, not spoiling the child. Just as a child with vision impairment needs glasses, a child with sensory processing differences might need modifications to the environment. Meeting these needs helps the child engage more successfully with the world. An autistic advocate might say, “Our world is built for the neurotypical,” and indeed, things like bright lights and constant noise are taken for granted in many settings. 

Making the environment more autism-friendly (quieter, more structured, less cluttered) is an act of inclusion and respect.

Collaborate and Problem-Solve Together

In line with Dr. Ross Greene’s philosophy “Kids do well if they can,” assume that your autistic child wants to succeed and behave well, and if they aren’t, there is a reason or unmet need. Adopting this mindset leads to collaborative problem solving rather than adversarial conflict. For example, if every day recess ends in a meltdown because the child doesn’t want to stop playing, instead of labeling the child “stubborn” and punishing, work with the child (at a calm moment) to understand and address the issue. 

You might discover they feel overwhelmed lining up with all the kids (too noisy, jostling). Together, you could agree they get to be line leader or line up last with a buddy, and also use a visual timer to show when recess is ending. By involving the child in finding solutions, you not only fix problems more effectively, you also show them that their feelings and insights matter. Ross Greene encourages adults to identify lagging skills or triggers and solve them upstream. For a bottom-up thinker, this approach is golden. 

It treats them as a partner in creating a better fit with their world, rather than someone who is “broken” and needs to be fixed. It’s also inherently neuroaffirming because it respects their point of view. If transitions are hard, we don’t simply demand they “toughen up”; we work together to ease transitions. If certain school assignments always end in tears, we ask why – maybe the instructions were too vague (not enough detail for a bottom-up mind to grasp), so the solution might be to provide a concrete example or template for them. In short, listen to the child and validate their experience. 

Often autistic kids have very logical explanations for what others see as “problem behaviour.” By collaborating, we not only resolve specific challenges but also empower the child with self-advocacy skills over time (“I can ask for a break when I feel overwhelmed,” “I can tell my teacher I don’t understand the question”).

Celebrate Strengths and Special Interests

Bottom-up thinkers often develop deep knowledge in areas of interest (sometimes called “special interests” or passions). Rather than discouraging these as “fixations,” caregivers and educators can harness them as entry points for learning and connection. An autistic child who knows every fact about trains, for example, could be encouraged to write a story about trains for a language assignment, or do math word problems using train cars and passengers. This not only motivates the child, but it also validates their way of thinking. 

Their detailed memory and focus become an asset in the learning process. Strengths-based approaches acknowledge that autistic processing comes with advantages: maybe the child has an extraordinary memory, a unique way of seeing patterns, an honesty and directness that peers admire, or a vivid creative imagination. When adults recognise and praise these traits, it helps the child build a positive self-concept. They start to see that they’re not “bad” or “weird” – they are different and talented. 

Neuroaffirming care is all about sending the message that “you are understood and appreciated as you are.” For example, a therapist might notice that a child communicates better while drawing than speaking, and so the therapist joins in drawing time and converses through pictures – honoring the child’s communicative strength. A teacher might notice a student is excellent with technology and allow them to present a project as a video instead of a written report, showcasing that student’s skills. 

By working with their bottom-up style (perhaps allowing them to include lots of factual detail, visual elements, or hands-on components), we keep the child engaged and confident. This stands in contrast to approaches that might label the child’s intense interests or need for detail as problematic. Embracing their unique minds builds trust – the child feels seen and validated, which only further improves their ability to cope and learn.

All these strategies come down to a simple but profound shift: seeing the child’s perspective as valid. We adjust the environment and our expectations to support the child, rather than trying to force the child to fit an environment that is mismatched to their needs. This is the heart of neurodiversity-affirming practice. It aligns with expert guidance that we must “look beyond behaviours” and accommodate the underlying sensory, emotional, or cognitive needs. For instance, instead of focusing on stopping Bella’s morning outburst, her parents focused on the upstream need for predictability and adjusted the routine – and the outburst naturally lessened. 

By meeting the bottom-up needs, the “behaviours” often improve without the need to address the behaviours directly – focusing on the cause, not the “problem”.

Embracing Differences: A Neuroaffirming Mindset

Perhaps the most important thing for any parent, teacher, or therapist supporting an autistic child is to adopt a neuroaffirming mindset. This means recognising that autistic brains are not defective versions of neurotypical brains – they are different, with their own powerful abilities and understandable difficulties. Bottom-up processing is a core aspect of many autistic people’s experience. It can lead to overload and challenges, yes, but it also contributes to the unique perspectives and talents that autistic individuals offer the world. 

As one clinic put it during Autism Acceptance Month, “the world needs all kinds of minds, especially those with autism,” because bottom-up thinkers can invent novel solutions and see connections others miss. They may approach problems without the conventional constraints, leading to genuine innovation.

A neuroaffirming approach frames these processing differences as valid. We don’t want to “train” the detail-oriented, bottom-up approach out of the child; we want to help them leverage it and cope with a world that isn’t always detail-friendly. We send the child the message: “It’s okay to be who you are. Let’s find strategies that help you navigate challenges, and let’s celebrate what’s great about how you think.” 

For example, if a child gets caught up in small details when learning, instead of constantly pushing them to “see the big picture,” we might allow them time to indulge their detail curiosity and then gently guide them to the broader concept. We might say, “I love how observant you are! You noticed something no one else did. Now, let’s see how that fits into the whole story.” This way the child’s bottom-up nature is acknowledged as a strength (keen observation), and we provide a bridge to the top-down skill (seeing the theme of the story) without devaluing their natural style.

Language matters too. Avoid pathologising terms in front of the child like “fixated,” “obsessed,” “too sensitive,” or “behaviour problem.” Instead, use respectful language: talk about their “interests,” their “sensory needs,” and how everyone’s brain works differently. This normalises their experience. For instance, you might explain, “Your brain likes to get all the details first. That’s really cool – it’s why you remember so much. My brain works differently, it sort of skips to the big idea. Sometimes I might help you see the big idea, and sometimes you can help me notice the details!” Conversations like this bolster the child’s self-esteem and help them understand themselves in a positive light.

Expert voices in child development increasingly advocate for this respectful, brain-body approach. Dr. Mona Delahooke urges us to respond to behaviours by considering a child’s nervous system state and not by imposing harsh discipline. Dr. Ross Greene reminds us that if a child could meet our expectations they would – so if they aren’t, it’s our job to figure out why and help solve it, rather than assume the worst. And Dr. Stephen Porges’ work highlights the importance of feeling safe: only when an autistic child feels safe (through accommodations, co-regulation, and understanding) can they fully engage socially and learn. All these insights direct us to the same conclusion: meet the child where they are, and support them from the ground up (quite literally, in terms of brain processing!).

By incorporating co-regulation, predictable supports, visual tools, and sensory accommodations, we communicate to autistic kids that their needs will be met. In turn, these kids often blossom. A child who once lived in constant fight-or-flight can relax enough to show their humor and creativity. A student who frequently melted down can, with the right supports, demonstrate incredible focus and knowledge in class. 

The journey isn’t about “fixing” the child, but about partnering with them and sometimes educating others in the child’s world to do the same.For example, a parent might work with the school to train peers on understanding autism, or a therapist might coach a family on how to structure home routines in an autism-friendly way. This community approach ensures the child isn’t facing constant friction between their bottom-up style and a top-down world.

To Sum Up

Bottom-up thinking in autistic children is a profound difference in experiencing life that calls for empathy and adaptation. These children vividly feel the textures of the world – its sights, sounds, and patterns – and with our support, they can learn to navigate it without being overwhelmed. By providing co-regulation, maintaining predictable and gentle environments, using visual and sensory aids, and working collaboratively, we support them in building the skills (and trust) they need to thrive. 

We also send a powerful message that their way of processing is legitimate. This not only helps them in the moment but paves the way for them to grow into autistic adults who understand their own needs and advocate for themselves. As caregivers and educators, when we embrace bottom-up thinking, we aren’t just managing behaviours – we are nurturing a child’s authentic development and honoring the neurodiversity that enriches our human community.

References

1. Embrace Autism – Thinking styles in autistic people (explains bottom-up vs. top-down thinking).
2. Menninger Clinic – Great Minds Don’t All Think Alike (Autism Acceptance article illustrating puzzle metaphor for bottom-up thinking).
3. Delahooke, Mona (2019) – Beyond Behaviors (concept of top-down vs. bottom-up behaviors; need for safety and understanding in bottom-up responses).
4. Child Mind Institute – Why Do Kids Have Trouble With Transitions? (notes autistic children’s preference for routine and overwhelm with change).
5. MIT News – Autism as a disorder of prediction (hypothesis that autism involves impaired predictive ability, hence need for sameness as coping).
6. Porges, Stephen – Polyvagal Theory / Neuroception (importance of safety cues and co-regulation for autistic individuals’ social engagement).
7. National Autistic Society – Visual supports (describes how visual supports provide structure, improve understanding, and reduce anxiety for autistic people).
8. Psychology Today – Promoting a Neuroception of Safety for Autistic Adults (emphasises personalised support, combining top-down and bottom-up methods, and the need to help individuals feel safe).
9. Ross Greene – Children Do Well if They Can (paradigm that challenging behavior is due to lagging skills or unmet needs, not lack of motivation).
10. Karhson & Golob (2016) in Frontiers in Neuroscience: evidence of enhanced bottom-up sensory processing in autism.
11. Temple Grandin interview – The New Idealist (2015) (Grandin describing herself as a bottom-up thinker).

Parenting a child with a PDA profile can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to guide and protect them, yet traditional parenting techniques often backfire. The key is building a relationship grounded in trust and understanding, rather than control or correction. In this article, we’ll explore what Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) really is, why these children aren’t being “defiant” on purpose, and how you can nurture a trusting bond through practical, compassionate strategies. The tone here is warm and therapeutic – you are not alone, and with the right approach, your PDA child can absolutely thrive.

Understanding PDA: A Lifelong Autism Profile

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is widely understood to be a profile on the autism spectrum – a lifelong part of who your child is . In PDA, a child’s need for autonomy and safety is so intense that everyday demands (like “Please get dressed” or “Time for homework”) can trigger extreme anxiety  . PDA isn’t a separate diagnosis in many places, but an increasing number of clinicians and autistic advocates recognize it as a distinct autism profile characterized by an extreme avoidance of demands due to anxiety. In other words, your child isn’t choosing to resist to be difficult – their nervous system is hardwired to panic at the feeling of being controlled.

Importantly, PDA is lifelong. Your child won’t simply “grow out of it,” but they can grow with it. With understanding and tailored support, children with PDA can learn to handle demands more flexibly over time. They share core autistic traits like social communication differences and sensory sensitivities, just expressed in a unique way  . Recognizing PDA early and adjusting our approach is critical, because it points us toward the strategies that will actually help. As one Australian autism guide explains, PDA kids often fight, flight, or freeze when their sense of autonomy is challenged – they avoid demands as a way to safeguard their own control and safety . Knowing this, we can swap judgment for empathy.

Not Defiance – A Threat Response Born of Anxiety

PDA children are sometimes mislabeled as oppositional or defiant, but this is a misinterpretation of their behavior. What looks like defiance is actually a panic response. Child psychologist Dr. Mona Delahooke describes oppositional behavior as a stress reaction – some children’s nervous systems are biased toward detecting danger even when none exists, automatically pushing them into fight-or-flight mode . For a PDA child, a simple request can feel like a threat, and their refusal or meltdown is a desperate attempt to self-preserve, not a willful challenge to authority .

In PDA, “the avoidance of, and refusal to comply with, everyday demands is driven by high anxiety. It is not caused by an inherent desire to be oppositional or gain attention.” Punishments or strict enforcement only pile on more threat, often making behavior worse, whereas empathy and flexibility can help defuse the panic  . As Dr. Ross Greene, an expert in child behavior, famously puts it: kids do well if they can. If they’re not doing well, it’s because something (like anxiety or a skills gap) is preventing them – not because they won’t behave . Your PDA child isn’t trying to give you a hard time; they’re having a hard time.

Seeing your child’s resistance through this lens – as a stress response, not misbehavior – is the first step in building trust. It means prioritizing understanding over correction. When children feel genuinely understood and safe from shame, their guard can gradually lower. As one PDA parent explains, “Trust can be built up when the child realises that the difficulties they are facing are actually appreciated and understood.” . In practice, this might mean saying, “I know getting dressed feels really hard for you right now. I’m here to help, not to push.” Such reassurance helps your child feel less alone in their big feelings.

A child with PDA may shut down or lash out when confronted with demands. What seems like defiance is often an expression of intense anxiety and feeling cornered.  

Strategies for Building Trust and Safety

Every PDA child is unique, but there are several research-informed strategies that consistently help PDA families. The common thread is reducing the child’s sense of threat and empowering them with a feeling of safety, choice, and collaboration. Here are some key approaches experts recommend:

• Provide a Low-Demand Environment: Try to minimize everyday demands and pressures, especially during times of high anxiety. This doesn’t mean no boundaries at all – it means picking your battles and easing off nonessential demands to give your child’s nervous system a chance to relax. PDA experts advise using low-demand strategies that foster autonomy, offering choices rather than issuing commands . For example, instead of “You must do your homework now,” you might say, “Would you like to do homework before or after dinner?” or even start with a fun activity together to ease into the task. By reducing the overall demand load, you signal to your child that you’re a safe ally, not a constant source of stress.

• Collaborative Problem Solving and Flexibility: Adopting a team mentality with your child can transform your relationship. Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model involves working with the child to solve problems, rather than imposing solutions on them  . This might look like a calm conversation (when your child is regulated) about an ongoing challenge – for instance, bedtime routines – where both you and your child voice your concerns and brainstorm ideas. You might be surprised by your PDA child’s insight when given a voice. Flexibility is key here; be willing to adjust your expectations and find creative compromises. “That’s how you lose an enemy and gain a problem-solving partner” Greene says, describing the shift when a child sees you as a teammate rather than an adversary . Over time, collaborative approaches show your child that you respect their needs, which builds trust and reduces their instinct to fight against you.

• Co-Regulation and Emotional Safety: Co-regulation means managing your own emotions and body language to help your child calm down. When a PDA child is in meltdown or shutdown mode, our calm presence is more helpful than any lecture or consequence. As one educator notes, “Helping a child to regulate (we call this co-regulation) is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.”  In practice, co-regulation might mean staying nearby with a relaxed posture, speaking softly or not at all, and radiating acceptance. Mirror back a sense of calm and confidence to your child: let them see that their big emotions don’t scare you and you’re not going to retaliate or abandon them . You can quietly say, “I see how upset you are. I’m right here. We’ll get through this together.” Importantly, use minimal language in these heated moments  – when a child is very dysregulated, they literally can’t process much verbal reasoning. Later, once they’re calm, you can gently talk things through. This approach, often called the “Three R’s” – Regulate, Relate, Reason – emphasizes that you must help them feel safe and regulated first, then offer empathy, and only then guide any reflection or learning . By consistently responding to eruptions with steady empathy, you show your child that nothing will make you stop loving them. This sense of unconditional safety is the bedrock of trust.

• Collaborate in Advance and Use Indirect Language: It helps to anticipate triggers and plan together for challenging situations when possible. For example, if transitions to school are hard, work with your child (during a calm time) to create a morning plan that they have input in – maybe they choose the music in the car, or have a “morning buddy” toy to talk to. Indirect communication can also lower threat: try phrasing requests as gentle invitations or even playful challenges. The PDA Society suggests avoiding overt “demand words” like must, now, or need . Instead of “Clean your room now,” you might say, “I wonder if we could make your room comfy together? Maybe like a game?” or “Think we can tidy up before this song ends?” Humour and imagination can turn demands into collaborations. By making requests feel optional or fun, you bypass the PDA brain’s alarm system. Your child isn’t being manipulative; they truly cannot comply when they feel cornered, so we do our best to avoid cornering them in the first place.

Each of these strategies sends the message that you are on your child’s side. You’re creating an environment where demands are reasonable, predictable, and respectful of your child’s autonomy, and where big emotions are met with compassion. This consistency ultimately feeds a sense of trust: your child learns that they don’t have to resist you, because you won’t force them beyond what they can cope with. It’s a slow process of building safety, but every small success – every morning that goes smoother, every conflict defused – is a building block.

Case Studies: Trust in Action

Hearing real-life experiences can be encouraging. Here are a few short case studies (composite examples based on true stories) showing how a trust-based approach can make a positive difference for PDA kids and their families:

Case Study: Francisco – Understanding Changed Everything

Francisco was 6 when school became unbearable for him. He had constant meltdowns, huge mood swings, and daily battles with teachers – to the point that he was being sent home nearly every day. Initially, professionals blamed his parents or tried strict behavior plans, which only made things worse. Finally, Francisco was identified as having a PDA profile of autism. From that point on, his parents and an open-minded school team shifted their approach entirely. They stopped seeing him as willfully naughty and started seeing a child in panic, and they put PDA-friendly strategies in place. The effect was dramatic: “From the point of diagnosis onwards, daily life has become much easier because we now understand what underlies his behaviour. With a committed team around him and an open-minded school, Francisco has improved considerably.”   By removing blame and working with Francisco’s PDA (not against it), they created an environment where he felt safer. Trust replaced fear little by little. Francisco began to re-engage with learning at home on his own terms, and his true personality – imaginative, funny, and loving – started to shine through again. His parents also connected with other PDA families for support, reminding them they weren’t alone . Francisco’s story shows that when the adults change their approach, a PDA child can finally step out of survival mode and start to thrive.

Case Study: Jack – Anxiety at the Root

Jack’s family had known since he was small that he was autistic, but typical strategies never seemed to click for him. Rewards and consequences that worked for his sibling (who is also autistic) just didn’t motivate Jack at all – in fact, they often led to explosive outbursts. At age 8, after a period of increasingly extreme behavior at school (including running away and threats of self-harm), Jack was reassessed and found to fit the PDA profile. This reframed everything: “everyone can see that anxiety is at the root of his behaviour. PDA strategies that are engaging and adaptive are the most effective with him.”  With this insight, Jack’s parents and teachers changed course. They stopped pushing rigid routines and started listening to Jack’s feelings. For example, when he absolutely refused to write in class, instead of issuing a punishment, the teacher collaborated with Jack to let him type on a laptop in a quiet corner, with breaks as needed. At home, his parents learned to give Jack more choices and gentle encouragement, and to back off the moment they saw him getting anxious. Over time, Jack’s meltdowns at home decreased in frequency because he felt he had some control and his worry was being taken seriously. School is still a challenge for Jack (PDA children often struggle in traditional schools), but with personalized supports and an understanding team, he’s coping much better. Crucially, Jack himself acknowledges the changes – he told his mom that he feels “like they finally get me.” This validation has made him more open to accepting help. Jack’s case highlights that identifying the anxiety and fear underneath the defiance can lead to solutions that actually work.

(These case studies are informed by real accounts shared by PDA families to illustrate how trust-building and the right supports can create positive change.)

The Bright Side: Strengths of PDA Children in the Right Environment

It’s important to remember that PDA children have incredible strengths, and with the right environment those qualities can flourish. Often, PDA kids are described as deeply insightful, fiercely justice-oriented, creative, and resilient. In fact, many PDA individuals have a strong sense of justice and fairness, independence, charisma, imagination, and tenacity as part of their personality . They tend to be highly perceptive of others’ emotions (even if they don’t always respond conventionally) and can be remarkably empathetic and caring when their own anxiety isn’t in overdrive. They might stand up for others who are being treated unfairly, or think outside the box in problem-solving. Your child’s ability to think differently is a strength, even if it comes with challenges.

When PDA children feel safe and understood, these positive traits shine. They can redirect that legendary persistence (the same persistence that might currently be going into avoiding demands!) into passionate interests and values. Many adult PDAers report that once they found supportive niches – whether creative fields, social causes, or just relationships that accepted them – they blossomed. Their loyalty, intensity, and unique perspective become huge assets. As Dr. Ross Greene notes, “kids are resilient… they come around if we start doing the right thing.”  In a nurturing, low-pressure environment, a PDA child can absolutely have a great life – full of joy, achievement, and meaningful connection. They may always need to approach life a bit differently (and might not follow the exact path of their peers), but different is not less. With your support, they can channel their qualities in positive directions.

With patience, flexibility, and trust, your PDA child can thrive. Many PDA individuals grow up to use their fierce determination and sense of justice as strengths. Every step you take in understanding your child brings you closer to the beautiful soul behind the behaviors.  

One Day at a Time, Together

Building a trust-based relationship with your PDA child is a journey – often a challenging one, but one filled with hope. Every day that you choose to understand rather than punish, to connect rather than correct, you are strengthening the bridge of trust between you and your child. Celebrate the small victories: the morning that went smoother because you turned it into a game, or the moment your child confided in you about something that scares them. These are signs that trust is growing.

Finally, remember that you don’t have to do this alone. Seeking out personalized support is not a sign of failure – it’s an act of love. Consider reaching out to a neuroaffirming therapist, an autistic advocate, or a PDA support group (such as the PDA Society or local autism organizations) who can provide guidance tailored to your family. Sometimes an outside perspective or just talking with other parents who “get it” can be immensely helpful and validating. Every PDA child is different, and what works for one may not work for another, so getting expert input on your specific situation can offer new ideas and much-needed reassurance.

If you feel you and your child are stuck in a cycle of fear and frustration, please know that help is available.

Connecting with professionals who understand PDA or parent networks who have walked this path can lighten your load. You deserve support just as much as your child does. By educating yourself (as you’re doing right now) and reaching out for help when needed, you are advocating for your PDA child in the best way possible. Together, step by step, you and your child can build a trusting partnership that allows them to feel safe, seen, and ready to meet the world on their own terms. And in that right, understanding environment – as challenging as it may be to achieve – your PDA child can truly soar.

If you need support, we are here. Contact us for personalised strategies for your PDA child.

References

1. PDA Society (UK) – https://www.pdasociety.org.uk

Dedicated PDA resource hub for parents, educators, and clinicians. Offers strategies, lived experience, and up-to-date research.

2. Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges.

Available here: https://www.drdelahooke.com/beyond-behaviors

Explores how to understand “challenging” behavior through a brain-based, compassionate lens.

3. Greene, R. (2016). Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child.

Details: https://www.livesinthebalance.org/raising-human-beings

Introduces Collaborative & Proactive Solutions—a relational approach ideal for PDA children.

4. Christie, P., Duncan, M., Fidler, R., & Healy, Z. (2011). Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children.

Book link: Jessica Kingsley Publishers

5. The Neurodivergent Society (Australia) – https://www.neurodivergentsociety.org.au

Australian resource for neurodivergent families and professionals offering workshops and advocacy.

6. Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, Monotropism and the Diagnostic Criteria for Autism.

Read more on monotropism: https://monotropism.org

7. Australian Autism Handbook (2023 edition)

Find at major retailers or here – includes Australian context for PDA and neuroaffirming strategies.

8. Woods, R., et al. (2022). Redefining PDA: Towards a Neurodiversity-Affirming Conceptualisation of Pathological Demand Avoidance.

Full paper: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/13623613221119814

9. O’Nions, E., et al. (2014). Pathological Demand Avoidance: Exploring the Phenomenon and Its Measurement.

Summary and access: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4740140/

10. National Autistic Society (UK) – https://www.autism.org.uk

Leading autism charity with PDA-specific guidance: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pda

11. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene – https://www.livesinthebalance.org/explosive-child

Parenting guide for kids with demand avoidance and emotional regulation challenges.

12. The ‘Three R’s’ – Regulate, Relate, Reason – Concept by Dr. Bruce Perry

Overview here: https://www.neurosequential.com

When a child resists everyday demands, avoids tasks, or exhibits intense emotional reactions, it’s easy to assume they are simply being oppositional. However, for many neurodivergent children, especially those with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), these behaviours are rooted not in defiance but in anxiety, autonomy, and nervous system dysregulation. Differentiating PDA from Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is essential for educators and parents, as misunderstanding the cause of the behaviour can lead to increased distress and lost learning opportunities.

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What Is PDA?

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)—also referred to as Pervasive Drive for Autonomy—is a lifelong profile of autism. It is characterised by an extreme need to avoid demands and maintain autonomy, driven by underlying anxiety and a highly sensitive nervous system. PDA is not about willful defiance. It is about survival, safety, and self-regulation.

Key traits of PDA include:

• Avoidance of everyday demands—even seemingly small ones—due to high anxiety.

• A strong need for control, autonomy, and personal agency.

• Use of social strategies (e.g., humour, distraction, negotiation) to avoid demands.

• Sudden meltdowns or shutdowns when overwhelmed.

• A justice-oriented mindset—PDAers are highly sensitive to fairness, often advocating for others.

• Remarkable problem-solving abilities in high-pressure situations—they are the people you want around in a crisis.

Importantly, while PDA is a lifelong neurotype, in the right environment—one that supports autonomy, reduces unnecessary demands, and fosters trust—PDAers can have truly great lives, filled with creativity, connection, and purpose.

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What Is ODD?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioural diagnosis, often used when a child consistently displays anger, defiance, and rule-breaking behaviour, particularly towards authority figures. Unlike PDA, ODD is not rooted in autism or anxiety, and the behaviour is generally seen as volitional—that is, under the child’s control.

Key traits of ODD include:

• Frequent temper outbursts and deliberate rule-breaking.

• Persistent irritability, arguing, and blaming others.

• Defiance that is purposeful rather than driven by fear or anxiety.

• Behaviour that is consistent across settings, without the same nervous system triggers seen in PDA.

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Why It Matters: Misdiagnosis Can Harm

When PDA is misdiagnosed as ODD, children are often subjected to punitive behaviour plans that escalate anxiety, damage relationships, and lead to school refusal, emotional shutdown, and trauma. Behaviour support plans based on compliance and control often fail for PDAers. Instead, low-demand, collaborative environments help them thrive.

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Case Study: Amelia (PDA)

Amelia, 9, is bright and articulate but refuses to follow simple classroom instructions, like writing her name on worksheets or joining group activities. When pressured, she experiences meltdowns or withdraws completely. Initially labelled as defiant, Amelia became increasingly anxious and school-avoidant.

Once understood as having a PDA profile, her environment shifted: her teacher gave choices instead of demands, used collaborative language, and prioritised connection over compliance. Amelia’s engagement and wellbeing improved dramatically, and she now attends school more consistently.

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Case Study: Lucas (ODD)

Lucas, 10, frequently argues with adults, deliberately disrupts class, and blames others for his actions. His behaviour remains consistent across environments, and he shows little anxiety or avoidance, but thrives on pushing boundaries.

Lucas responded well to clear, consistent boundaries and structured routines. With predictable consequences and positive reinforcement, his behaviour gradually improved.

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What Parents and Educators Need to Know

Understanding the root cause of behaviour is key. PDAers are not choosing to defy; they are trying to survive in environments that feel overwhelming. They need trust, respect, and autonomy to flourish. ODD strategies often backfire with PDAers, creating a cycle of increased distress.

The goal for PDAers is not compliance—it’s co-regulation and collaboration. When we meet them where they are, they can thrive.

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How We Can Help

At Autism Consultancy Services (ACS), we support families, educators, and schools in understanding the difference between PDA and ODD and tailoring support strategies that work. We help create environments where PDAers feel safe, empowered, and able to engage on their own terms.

We also offer customised Professional Development (PD) for teachers, helping schools recognise PDA profiles and develop neuroaffirming, practical strategies for real classrooms. Together, we can foster environments where all children can succeed—not by forcing compliance, but by embracing diverse ways of being.

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Get in touch today to book a consultation or enquire about PD for your school team.

Empower your staff to support PDAers with understanding and confidence.

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When a child’s behaviour is intense, unpredictable, or disruptive, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Many parents are told their child is “difficult,” “manipulative,” or “non-compliant.” But what if those behaviours aren’t the problem, but a signal?

The truth is, what we often call “challenging behaviour” is almost always a response to an environment that isn’t meeting a child’s needs. Understanding this can shift how we approach support—and make life better for everyone.

Behaviour Is Communication

All behaviour—especially “challenging” behaviour—has meaning. It’s how children, especially neurodivergent children, communicate their needs, stress, discomfort, or overwhelm when they don’t yet have the words or tools to express it more clearly.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?” a more helpful question might be, “What is this behaviour telling me?”

Why Environment Matters

Imagine trying to focus in a room that’s too loud, too bright, or unpredictable—and on top of that, being expected to follow complex instructions with no break. For many autistic and ADHD children, environments like school, shopping centres, or even home can become overwhelming fast.

Some common environmental triggers:

• Sensory overload (noise, lights, touch, smells)

• Too many demands without enough support

• Lack of control or choice

• Unclear expectations or changes in routine

• Feeling unsafe or misunderstood

When the environment is stressful, children may respond with what looks like defiance, withdrawal, aggression, or shutdown—but these are often survival responses, not intentional misbehaviour.

Rethinking “Challenging Behaviour”

Instead of seeing behaviour as something to “fix” in the child, we can start looking at how to support the child by adjusting the environment. Small changes can make a huge difference.

Some ideas:

• Reduce sensory input: Use noise-cancelling headphones, dim lighting, or quiet spaces.

• Offer choices: Giving control over small things can help kids feel more regulated.

• Use visual supports: Schedules, timers, and visual cues reduce uncertainty.

• Break tasks into steps: Help children feel successful and less overwhelmed.

• Prioritise connection: Kids feel safer—and behave better—when they feel seen, valued, and understood.

It’s Not About “Bad Behaviour”

Focusing only on behaviour can lead to punishment, shame, and a breakdown in trust. Focusing on the environment helps you meet your child where they are, creating a space where they can thrive.

Behaviour improves when a child feels safe, supported, and understood. That’s why understanding the role of the environment is so powerful—it empowers you to make meaningful changes that support your child’s needs without trying to “fix” who they are.

Looking for Personalised Support?

At Autism Consultancy Services (ACS), we take a neuroaffirming approach to behaviour, helping families understand the “why” behind their child’s actions and find practical, compassionate strategies that really work.

We’re here to help you build environments where your child can succeed. Contact us today to learn more.

When one child in a family is neurodivergent—whether autistic, ADHD, or with another neurodevelopmental condition—it often becomes a central focus for the whole family. While the support needs of the neurodivergent child are important, it’s equally vital to consider the experience of their siblings. Siblings often walk a unique path: they love and care deeply, but may also feel confused, overlooked, or even burdened by the dynamics in the household.

Here’s how parents can support all their children and create a balanced, nurturing environment for everyone.

Validate Their Feelings

Siblings might feel a mix of emotions—pride, frustration, worry, jealousy, or guilt. These feelings are normal. Giving them a safe space to express these emotions without judgment is crucial. Avoid dismissing their concerns with phrases like “you’re lucky you don’t have those challenges” or “you need to be the easy one.” Instead, say, “It’s okay to feel upset sometimes—it’s a lot for all of us.”

Spend One-on-One Time

Neurodivergent children often require more time and attention, which can unintentionally leave siblings feeling neglected. Carve out regular time to spend individually with each child. Even small moments—reading together, going for a walk, or a quick ice cream outing—can go a long way in helping siblings feel valued and seen.

Provide Age-Appropriate Information

Understanding what’s going on can help siblings feel less confused and more empowered. Tailor explanations to their age and maturity, focusing on the strengths and challenges their sibling experiences. Help them understand that their sibling’s behaviour isn’t “naughty” or intentional but part of how their brain works differently.

Don’t Put Pressure on Them to Be ‘Perfect’

Many siblings feel pressure to behave perfectly to ‘make up’ for their sibling’s challenges or to reduce the load on their parents. It’s important to let them know they don’t have to be the easy child or the peacemaker. Allow them to make mistakes, express needs, and be kids.

Connect Them with Support

Sometimes, it helps siblings to connect with other kids who have similar experiences. Support groups, therapy, or sibling workshops can provide connection, understanding, and coping strategies. It helps to know they’re not alone.

Celebrate Their Role—but Don’t Make Them Responsible

Let siblings know that they are appreciated and valued, not for caregiving, but for who they are. Celebrate their achievements, interests, and strengths separate from their sibling’s needs. Make sure they know they’re not responsible for fixing or managing situations involving their sibling.

Final Thoughts

Supporting siblings doesn’t mean having all the answers—it’s about being responsive, loving, and intentional. When siblings feel supported, they are more likely to thrive, and the family as a whole can grow stronger.

Need Support Tailored to Your Family?

At Autism Consultancy Services (ACS), we offer individualised support not only for neurodivergent children but for their siblings and parents too.

Contact us to learn how we can help your family feel seen, supported, and empowered.

In this candid and insightful conversation, Sarah Hampton, founder of Autism Consultancy Services, shares her journey of navigating a late ADHD diagnosis alongside dyslexia, and how these experiences shaped her work supporting neurodivergent children and families. She reflects on the challenges of starting a business in the NDIS space, the gaps in the current education and disability support systems, and her commitment to a neuroaffirming, individualised approach. Sarah also discusses the personal and professional impacts of ADHD, including Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and how self-awareness, community support, and systemic change are essential for improving outcomes for neurodivergent individuals.

>>>>>> LISTEN HERE! <<<<<<

 

Episode Description from Bravery Defined

Have you ever wondered about the links between ADHD and Dyslexia? How these seemingly different facets of neurodiversity can disguise themselves, leaving us to navigate a complex journey of self-discovery? Join us as we embark on a riveting journey with Sarah. From being labelled ‘stupid’ at just 7 years old to discovering her life calling at 16. Uncover the twist: what she thought was dyslexia reveals itself as ADHD and RSD. Join us as she turns adversity into advocacy, bringing hope to neurodivergent children in the education system. A tale of resilience, revelation, and the power within.

A few quotes from the episode

On Individuality and Neurodiversity:

“If you’ve met one autistic person, you have only met that one autistic person.”

On Starting ACS:

“Sometimes I still am completely boggled by the fact that I still need to do the basic job that I do… talk about that individual child and their individual needs… and I still find it crazy that in 2024 we’re having these conversations.”

On Gaps in the System:

“All these children are falling through… How on earth can we stop this from happening? I just stepped in and did what I was doing in New Zealand and in the UK. I got on with it and did it.”

On ADHD, RSD, and Diagnosis:

“This is an RSD moment, and I’m okay. And the minute you can go, ‘you’re okay, this is what it is,’ you feel better straight away.”

On ADHD Superpowers and Challenges:

“At home, my benches are filthy and I know that needs to get done, but I’m not going to be able to do it… I worry about using words like ‘superpower’ to describe what is essentially a really big disability.”

On the NDIS System:

“It’s terrifying… I have all the qualifications to do the therapy I do, but I don’t fit in the very narrow brackets. And suddenly overnight, I would have lost 70% of my business.”

On Changing the System:

“We really need to turn education on its head. The tiny little bit of good ACS does every day—it’s not enough. We need everyone thinking this way.”

On Therapy at ACS:

“We’re not asking anybody to be different. We’re just giving them a space where they can be themselves.”

Supporting a neurodivergent child at school can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re invited to attend an SSG (Student Support Group) or IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting. These meetings are crucial for ensuring your child receives the adjustments, supports, and understanding they need to thrive at school.

If you’re in Victoria, Australia, here’s what you need to know about how to prepare—and advocate confidently—for your child in these important meetings.

What Are SSGs and IEPs?

In Victoria, SSG meetings are regular meetings between parents, school staff, and sometimes other professionals (like therapists or support workers) to discuss your child’s progress and support needs.

An IEP is a written plan that outlines the goals, adjustments, and supports the school agrees to provide to help your child succeed. IEPs are especially important for autistic students, students with ADHD, and other neurodivergent children, as they form the basis of an individualised, inclusive approach to education.

Preparing for Your SSG or IEP Meeting: Key Tips

1. Know Your Rights

In Victoria, all students with disabilities are legally entitled to reasonable adjustments under the Disability Standards for Education 2005. This means the school must take steps to accommodate your child’s needs so they can participate on the same basis as other students.

2. Gather Relevant Information

Bring along any reports, assessments, or recommendations from allied health professionals (e.g., occupational therapists, psychologists, speech therapists). If your child has a Behaviour Support Plan (BSP) or Safety Plan, have copies on hand.

3. Create a Parent Statement

Write a short statement that outlines your child’s strengths, challenges, and needs. You know your child best, and this helps the school understand their unique perspective.

4. Identify Key Goals and Adjustments

Think about what you want to achieve. This could include things like:

• A quiet space for sensory breaks

• Support with transitions between activities or classes

• Alternative formats for assignments

• Reduced homework load

• Social support (e.g., lunch clubs, peer buddies)

• Emotional regulation support

• Understanding and response to meltdowns/shutdowns

5. Bring Support if Needed

You are allowed to bring an advocate, therapist, or support person to help you navigate the meeting. This can be incredibly valuable, especially if you feel nervous or overwhelmed.

During the Meeting: Your Voice Matters

It’s okay to ask questions, request clarification, or suggest alternative strategies. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. Collaboration is the key to a successful IEP—and your insights are central to that process.

You can also request a review date for the IEP to ensure your child’s plan remains relevant and effective.

After the Meeting: Next Steps

• Request a copy of the IEP and any meeting notes.

• Follow up with an email summarising any key points or concerns.

• Stay in regular communication with the school to track your child’s progress.

Need Personalised Support?

Navigating SSGs and IEPs can be daunting—but you don’t have to do it alone. Autism Consultancy Services (ACS) offers expert advocacy and support for families in Victoria. We can help you prepare for meetings and attend SSG meetings as part of your child’s therapeutic care team, ensuring their needs are fully understood and supported.

Contact us today to learn how we can assist you in creating a truly inclusive and affirming educational experience for your child.

One of the most common things parents are told when raising an autistic child is, “They need practice making eye contact.” It might come from teachers, doctors, or even well-meaning friends and family. But here’s the truth: eye contact is hugely overrated—and for many autistic children, it can actually make things harder, not easier.

Let’s start with this: eye contact is a cultural expectation, not a universal requirement for connection. In some cultures, making eye contact is seen as disrespectful. For many autistic people, eye contact can feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or even painful. It can take up so much mental energy that it makes it harder to focus on anything else—like listening to what someone’s saying or regulating emotions.

When we pressure autistic kids by saying “look at me when I’m talking to you,” we may be unintentionally telling them that how they naturally engage with the world isn’t okay.

That can chip away at their confidence, leading to genuine trauma, and make them feel like they have to perform or mask just to be accepted. It also shifts the focus away from what really matters: connection, communication, and trust.

Other “neurotypical” expectations imposed on autistic kids

Eye contact isn’t the only expectation placed on autistic kids. There are several other neurotypical behaviours that get a lot of attention—but might not actually support your child’s growth. In fact, forcing a child to be “more neurotypical” can lead to dysregulation and an increase in challenging behaviours in autistic children.

Sitting Still: Many autistic children need to move in order to think and regulate their bodies. Fidgeting, pacing, or using sensory aids like chew toys or stress balls aren’t signs of bad behaviour—they’re tools for self-regulation. Prioritising stillness over comfort can actually increase stress.

Using “Polite” Social Scripts: Pushing children to say things like “hello,” “thank you,” or “sorry” on demand can create anxiety, especially if they don’t feel ready or don’t understand why they’re saying it. Teaching authentic kindness and communication in their own time is far more meaningful.

Suppressing Stimming: Hand-flapping, rocking, or other forms of stimming are natural ways that autistic children manage energy, emotion, and sensory input. Suppressing stimming can lead to dysregulation and emotional distress. Letting your child stim freely shows that they are accepted as they are.

Making Friends “the Right Way”: Autistic children often socialise differently—through shared interests, parallel play, or one-on-one interactions. Encouraging them to build relationships in ways that feel natural to them fosters genuine connection, not forced conformity.

So, What Does Matter?

Here are three things that support your child’s wellbeing far more than eye contact or forced compliance:

1. Respect Their Communication Style

Some kids look away when they talk, focus on objects, or communicate non-verbally. That’s okay. When we respect their style, we send the message: I see you. I hear you. You matter.

2. Co-Regulate, Don’t Control

Focus on helping your child feel safe and calm. Sit beside them, engage in a shared activity, or just be quietly present. Emotional regulation starts with feeling safe.

3. Build Connection, Not Compliance

Let go of making your child “look typical.” Focus on moments of joy, shared interests, and trust. These are the foundations of growth.

Looking for personalised support?

At Autism Consultancy Services (ACS), we provide neuroaffirming, family-centred support tailored to your child’s unique needs. Whether you’re seeking practical strategies or advocacy in school settings, our experienced team is here to help.

Want to learn more, or need personalised support for your child? Get in touch to see how we can support your family.