When one child in a family is neurodivergent—whether autistic, ADHD, or with another neurodevelopmental condition—it often becomes a central focus for the whole family. While the support needs of the neurodivergent child are important, it’s equally vital to consider the experience of their siblings. Siblings often walk a unique path: they love and care deeply, but may also feel confused, overlooked, or even burdened by the dynamics in the household.
Here’s how parents can support all their children and create a balanced, nurturing environment for everyone.
Validate Their Feelings
Siblings might feel a mix of emotions—pride, frustration, worry, jealousy, or guilt. These feelings are normal. Giving them a safe space to express these emotions without judgment is crucial. Avoid dismissing their concerns with phrases like “you’re lucky you don’t have those challenges” or “you need to be the easy one.” Instead, say, “It’s okay to feel upset sometimes—it’s a lot for all of us.”
Spend One-on-One Time
Neurodivergent children often require more time and attention, which can unintentionally leave siblings feeling neglected. Carve out regular time to spend individually with each child. Even small moments—reading together, going for a walk, or a quick ice cream outing—can go a long way in helping siblings feel valued and seen.
Provide Age-Appropriate Information
Understanding what’s going on can help siblings feel less confused and more empowered. Tailor explanations to their age and maturity, focusing on the strengths and challenges their sibling experiences. Help them understand that their sibling’s behaviour isn’t “naughty” or intentional but part of how their brain works differently.
Don’t Put Pressure on Them to Be ‘Perfect’
Many siblings feel pressure to behave perfectly to ‘make up’ for their sibling’s challenges or to reduce the load on their parents. It’s important to let them know they don’t have to be the easy child or the peacemaker. Allow them to make mistakes, express needs, and be kids.
Connect Them with Support
Sometimes, it helps siblings to connect with other kids who have similar experiences. Support groups, therapy, or sibling workshops can provide connection, understanding, and coping strategies. It helps to know they’re not alone.
Celebrate Their Role—but Don’t Make Them Responsible
Let siblings know that they are appreciated and valued, not for caregiving, but for who they are. Celebrate their achievements, interests, and strengths separate from their sibling’s needs. Make sure they know they’re not responsible for fixing or managing situations involving their sibling.
Final Thoughts
Supporting siblings doesn’t mean having all the answers—it’s about being responsive, loving, and intentional. When siblings feel supported, they are more likely to thrive, and the family as a whole can grow stronger.
Need Support Tailored to Your Family?
At Autism Consultancy Services (ACS), we offer individualised support not only for neurodivergent children but for their siblings and parents too.
Contact us to learn how we can help your family feel seen, supported, and empowered.
